Season 3, Episode 4 "Lie Detector" Paul - Paul F. Tompkins Employee #1 - David Cross Employee #2 - Brian Posehn Employee #3 - Jay Johnston Inverviewee - Bob Odenkirk David: Alright, it's real simple, Paul here will ask you a yes or no question, and if you lie, a buzzer will sound and a light will go off. Paul: Let's show him. David: Oh, no, that's alright. Paul: Aw, come on, we'll test it. David: Alright... *tapes pad to forehead* What? Paul: K, let's think of a good one... Um, have you ever dreamed of kissing your brother? David: *pauses* No. *buzzer sounds* *all laugh* David: Alright, alright! Hey, it's called a dream! Paul: Ok, alright, funs over, let's get to work here. *reapplies pad* Relax. Have you ever drank alcholol to excess? Bob: Yes. Paul: Have you ever taken an illegal drug? Bob: ... Paul: It's ok, just tell the truth, that's the important thing. Bob: Yes. Paul: Ok. Marijuana? Bob: Yes. Paul: Coccaine? Bob: Yes. Bob: Heroine? Bob: Yes. David: *disbelieving* You did heroine? Bob: Yes. Jay: Well, what about angel dust? Bob: Yes. Jay: Jeeze... Brian: What about crack? You ever smoke some crack? Bob: Yeah, yes. Brian: Dude, you're [i]out there[/i]! Jay: Hey, what... what was it like? Paul: You don't have to answer that. David: Paul... Paul: Unless, you want to, I mean, feel free, if you really wanna. Bob: It was great. It's crack, it gets you really high. *Brian and Jay give high fives* Paul: Alright, let's get back to work here. Um, have you ever stolen from an employer? Bob: Yes. Paul: And where were you employed? Bob: NASA. David: Phht... Yeah, what'd you steal, a rocket ship? *laughs* Bob: No, just some pens. And... some plans. Paul: Plans? Bob: Space plans. *all shocked* Jay: Holy... Paul: *calms room* Hey, hey! ...have you ever killed a man? David: Boring! Paul: You wanna let me finish? With [i]your mind[/i]? Bob: Yes. Paul: Aw, is this thing even on? Come on! Brian: Yeah, remember, he kissed his brother! David: Hey, hey, that was a dream! I dreamed it! You can dream something and it's not real, it's just all up here *points to head*. Paul: [i]Shutup[/i]! Give me that! *rips off pad, puts on his own forehead* Ok, alright, ah... I am a control freak because I was molested by my parents. David: Nothing happened. Paul: Oh God! What a breakthrough! *has to sit down* David: Alright, alright, give me that, alright. *puts back on Ints head* Alright, here we go, now it's me! Ok Mr. Pants, here we go, alright. Have. You. Ever. Skinnydipped with Micheal Goodwin? Bob: Yes. David: *deeply hurt* Aw... Jay: Wait, who's Micheal Goodwin? David: She's this girl I had a crush on in the 7th grade! Jay: I'm sorry. Brian: Ok... have you ever dressed up like a lady of affluence, gone to a fancy downtown eatery, picked up a rich guy, seduced him, and made him want to [i]marry[/i] you? Bob: Yes. Our story was made into a hit Broadway musical. *all are amazed* Jay: Alright! Have you ever! Taken a train and [i]eaten[/i] it, piece by piece... [i]after[/i] you just derailed it with your [i]penis[/i]? Bob: *pauses* Yes. *all celebrate* Bob: It was for charity! It was a charity event, I was raising money. Paul: Alright, enough, enough! Congratulations, you got it, you got the job! Bob: Oh, great! Paul: Welcome to Shoe Court Shoe Store, you'll be working in the women's athletic department. Bob: Well, I love shoes. *buzzer sounds* *all laugh*